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There are inevitable events which cause you to contemplate the very real purpose in all of the menageries and hodgepodge of life. I am reminded of these events as I approach my 46th birthday, this year on Fathers day, and I had the sudden impulse to take the toy dachshund off the top shelf where it resides in my bedroom, and go and show it to my Mom, who is visiting for the night. I remind her that I received it as a gift from her on my 11th birthday and that he will be 35 years old in a few days. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, for she is touched by the ravages of time, when years grant you only happier memories, she recollects and says matter of factly, Yes, I remember that.
I am reminded when she slips as she holds my face in her hands and says, How is my Daddy?, and when I don't respond, a sadness comes in her eyes as if she realizes her mistake, and she looks away. I am thankful that I am here for my children, to watch them grow and mature, and I know that I will not be here always, as it will be their turn to teach their children, for this is the circle of life.
I miss my Dad, and wish that he could be here to help me guide my boys as only Grandpas can do, but it was not his choice to go, so he passed the mantle to me, and I will do my best to make fine fathers of my young men, and yet, I regret the loss of some years when I did not fully understand the responsibility that I was left with.
I have gleaned much from my Dad, taking little pieces of his life, and applying it in my own, whether consciously or not. The man I first feared, then loved, then later learned to admire his talents and his wisdom, which even now, seem beyond his years. If only, as my children take small pieces of my life, they will be as applicable for them. These pieces I give freely in hopes that they may live. The strain in my back that keeps recurring since I climbed a tree to help my oldest earn a few dollars on a limb removal job which was more challenging than he first perceived. The concern in my mind when I acknowledge that my middle child is not as mechanically inclined as his brothers, yet I take comfort in his passion for the outdoors and landscaping and his love of animals. The ache in my forearm which sometimes wakes me in the night comes from throwing fastballs to my youngest, to help him become a more confident player. These pieces of myself I give freely and will give many more until I must reluctantly pass the mantle on, for this is my circle.
I can again recall my Dad in his last months as he painted my 'new' house and as he came to dine with me at my job because I seemed so proud of my endeavors. I later found out that he was unable to digest the meal without much pain due to the damages from the radiation therapy he was receiving. And, as my Mama goes with us to the ballpark to watch her grandson play, and to share in our enjoyment, her discomfort with the bleachers and the insects are sometimes visible, yet she is happy, she is giving.
I can see my brothers and sisters and their children in my minds eye, as they give out little pieces of themselves, unselfishly, and I smile.
I have been left to assist my Mama and I am standing outside of the unlatched and slightly ajar door to the ladies room because the lock is tricky and may lock her in. There are people with stares, there are funny looks, and just as an official comes back for a second time to look at me, my Mama rescues me by latching her elbow in mine, she is ready to go. And now, you see, we have come full circle. byron c
I have just passed another milestone, my ninth year anniversary on my
present job. There was no fanfare, no bells, whistles, or confetti, not
even an acknowledgment of a goal seldom reached in the notoriously
revolving door of the hospitality business.
In my young and restless days, I would have strongly considered moving on
after five, so, how did this happen? Maturity, you say? Complacency?
Losing sight of a vision of always moving up and onward? I can tell you
now, those restless feelings are still there, but somehow, somewhere,
they are reshuffled to the back of the deck, to make room for the
different hand that has, more recently, been dealt. Impulse gives way
to reason, and desire yields to necessity.
If there is one bit of advice I have for the new generation, it is to make the most of the
spontaneity and vigor with which you envision life's challenges and
crossroads, for these are the moments that will define you as you
approach that "oh, so far off middle age".
Seldom is life so generous as to give you that second chance, which is in us all, to
start anew, and if by circumstance we do, we are not the same. There is
no fearless desire to run naked through the woods (although I've done
it a time or two at far, far, too old), there is no expediency to being
number one in the crowd. There is no longer "Me" and "Now". There is
however a different kind of boldness. I am not afraid of things that go
bump in the night. No longer do I fear hunger, or illness, or
unemployment, nor despair, because I have been visited by all these
things, and I have endured, and I know there will be tomorrow.
With our increasing age comes our greatest strength, and this is experience,
and the wisdom to pass it along to our children, and to theirs. In this
day and age there are many who may contemplate that there is no God,
or, there must be many Gods, but now, more than ever, I can fervently
say, and without a doubt, God bless my children, and keep them from
harms way, for where I lead them, they will follow.
-----byron c.
The
direst foe of courage is the fear itself, not the object of it, and the
man who can overcome his own terror is a hero and more.
- -- George MacDonald
"Go placidly amid the noise & haste & remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not fein affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a Child of the Universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Max Ehrmann ["Desiderata"]
